Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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