he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
