Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
