I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
