ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
