i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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