STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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