he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
