when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
