i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
