Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
