She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
