You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
