just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
