Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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