i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
