but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
