the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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