White coat. Heels.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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