I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
