Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
