I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
