i already hear my dad disowning me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
