he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
