Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
