dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
