Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
