Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
