im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
