If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So here I am, sexting at work.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
