I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
