well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We left the knife in your bed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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