"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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