I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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