He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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