it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
