I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
there is puke in my bra ... again
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