evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
