i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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