I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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