Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
