the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
