That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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