got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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