So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
