hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I sprained my soul last night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
