Im at strip club and am horny
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
