I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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