i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
third nipple confirmed
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
