hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
