Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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