she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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