dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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