just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i now understand why vodka
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
