I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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