Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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