I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
