just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
