I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
