I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize