Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
