If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
