I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
