I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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