worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
