We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
