My sheets look like a crime scene.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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