Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
