sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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