do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
