A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
