Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
