I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
