You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
