how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
